Goodbye High School (a little something wrote)


Sometimes I look back and think, “3 years, wow that’s a lot”. Other times I just shake my head and say, “no not really”. And the difference I’ve noticed is when I actually think about the whole of the 3 years and the moments and memories they encase, of the irritations and smiles and laughs I went through while sitting on a blue chair surrounded by immature boys, quiet girls and a short, blonde friend – that’s when I think, “Yeah, damn.” Teachers passing in front my eyes, one after the other, each with their own knowledge to share, some with none to do so. All with a personality that would either call the disciplined version of my class to show and some with whom my classmates felt with liberty to speak freely even when they had nothing really, to say.

Green grasses, neatly trimmed and home to jumpy spiders that oddly enough did not bother anyone, sometimes adorned with brown leaves, gifted by the many many trees standing dutifully all around, almost proudly with how firm and bright they stood. They would always the allow the sun to play and color the school grounds in rays and shadows, and always with the singsong birds playing the OST to my high school movie. Familiar faces, sometimes deserving a nod and others a smirk or a smile, would float among the many bodies encountered every day, five days a week, four weeks a month, less than 10 months a year. And all to never be seen again in the matter of 3 years. And again, 3 years doesn’t seem like much.

A warm room with computers lined up, the fortune, the luck of the day to get internet access which would make the following hours much easier. Whether it be to design a webpage using HTML code with a Doctor Who theme, or to open up a PC and clean it to put it back together again. Although, admittedly the internet access I had during the 4th semester, no matter how fast it had been or could have been, would have been able to save me with programming. That’s when I learned I would get as far as minoring in Computer Science. The hours were varied as any other thing in life, but overall they were good. Particularly when I could read instead of actually working.

High school for most, is a terrible time which has led me to think, either I did it wrong or they did it wrong because it was actually of the most enjoyable time so far in my 18 years. And when you look at it 18 years isn’t much, but when you look at it 18 years is a lot. I went through so many changes, and entered so many fandoms, met quite a few people and made quite a few memories… it wasn’t hell like most American teenagers always claim it to be and maybe it’s because I’m in Mexico, maybe it’s because I entered el CBTa and not the other options (I only flunked one class during 2nd semester and it was the best thing I could’ve done or I would have had to go to el COBAEZ so) or maybe it’s because Middle School had been really shitty the 3 years so God was like, “Kay, now chill.”

There are so many things I will forget, so many faces, so many names, so many memories… nothing but random seconds of the past three years. But, I won’t forget the fact that High School was awesome. I would read in class and my classmates would treat my outbursts as normal, I even got to drink coffee and eat cookies while my classmates worked (it was English, like Basic English which I already know of course), my classmates respected me and so I was “class president” for 2 and a half years… it was great. And I won’t forget that, no matter how many endings come after that and how many beginnings, I won’t.

- V


Boys Over Flowers (Drama)

It was my second drama and I knew that I was past the point of no return. I had only watched one previously, like seriously Vanessa? You give your heart out too easily. But do I? Do I really? Because this is the story of a hardworking girl and 4 incredible, smartass, rich, sensitive, idiotic boys that had me... well, let me actually review this.


Hello again!

What's up losers? Apologies for my absence, I have been far away for too long. At first it was because I was reading literally nothing excepts subtitles (hours and hours), but then it was because something happened to the computer I use that the keyboard didn't work anymore, some keys only, and since I share with my mother (because I'm cool like that) then she immediately sent it to be fixed. However living in MX, we have to buy the keyboard in the U.S. which as you can imagine entails it's own problems, point is - I have the computer back but with not a fully percent working keyboard.

Anyways, it is still good enough that I will be posting reviews again and self-promo so look forward to that. Thank you for checking in and I will see you, well more like talk to you (it's such a one-sided conversation btw) when I post something soon. Including a knew genre of a sort.

안녕 (that means bye in korean)

- V

Don't Cry and Craft With Me

On not better but other news, I made song for the losers not going to TATINOF... like myself.


- Vanessa

The Cards God Dealt Me

This has nothing to do with fandoms nor writing. This has to do with life.

I am being faced upon two choices these days and I could go ahead and say I have to choose in between what's right, and what's easy. The truth is however, I have no way to know if just because it's harder, it means it's the right way to go. True, troubles can build you up but they can also drag you down. Is it simpler then, to not risk too much and just take what happens to be the easier choice? Or does that mean that I'm a coward or, perhaps that's too strong a word, but still too much of a scared-y cat to jump out from my mother's protective shield and go one on one with life myself?

Because that's exactly what would happen, if I choose to move back to the USA from Mexico. I'm going to be entering the ring, leaving my mother and my family not even in the same arena, and practically setting myself up for a beat down. But. Even if they aren't in the same building I know they would be cheering me on. And even if I do get knocked out, I know the choice to get back up again is still my own. And I know, that no matter how bruised up I am, how many broken bones I have, it doesn't matter if I can't see or if I can't hear because why would I need such mundane things when I have God right above me, making sure not that I'm not harmed, but that I'm not harmed life-threateningly.

I am scared. I know I'm going to break a few bones, tear a few muscles and get a lot of bruises. I know I'm going to have to drag myself at some point, and cling to ropes for support just to get back to my knees at the very least. I know that I'm going to cry and bleed, and feel lonely. But I feel like I can't stay, I know it'd be easier because I would still be able to have my mother's protective eye over me and she could come into the ring and give me a breather if I needed to but. She's tired. She's already fractured some bones of her own, and has shed tears and blood so maybe it's time I allow her some rest and face life on my own? Despite the sure pain to come.

I'm not choosing to go, just because it's the more difficult option. I am also choosing to go, because to stay feels wrong and cowardly. And I am not a coward. And I am strong enough to get back up after every round. And I am a story of great troubles and victories and tears and cries of joy and success. So... so. It seems the cards God has dealt me aren't meant for a quick and easy win. But that's okay,  because this only means that they're leading up to something even greater.

It's after a few loses that a win means anything. I'm ready to lose. Because when I win... honey you should see me in a crown.

- Vanessa

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2016 Part 2

Okay. Here's the update.

Last word count goal ended up being 20k. I wrote half of that on the last day, literally the 31st. I didn't want to fall completely short so I wrote as much as I could within like 18 hours or so. Sure it completely destroyed my sleeping schedule but let's be honest here, it wasn't something to maintain anyways. So, I lost NaNoWriMo again, 2nd time in a row but I don't feel too bad about it. As I said, I don't know if I want to be a writer anymore, although those last 10k words have me thinking I'll keep it as a hobby, so I don't feel as pressured as I used to to actually get good at it. Thus, making me not feel the responsibility to write more, and of course NaNoWriMo was an excellent motivation tool to do so.

So. Both of my active cabin mates won. I don't know if I'll be joining in November as I don't know what my emotional, psychological and professional state will be. My world will shift under my feet as I move back to my country (eventually), and maybe I will find that writing is the only I want to do. I do love stories. And I do love words. But perhaps, I was just meant to be a voice in the stands cheering everyone else on rather than on the field trying desperately to score a goal, or touchdown, or 10 points for Gryffindor. I'm a Gryffindor but I kept thinking I was a Slytherin. The Hat knows best though.

- Vanessa

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2016 Part 1

This month was a wreck. Due to two reasons. One more than the other.

1. K dramas. I began my obsession with k dramas in the month of July and thus, did absolutely nothing else. Are you proud of yourself Vanessa? On the positive side, I got very familiar with Korean and am now very determined to learn. Also, I found the love of my life. Okay, the (maybe, I'm not sure at this point anymore) 10th love of my life so far this year, still. We all know how obsessive I can be, that is the base factor of a fangirl after all. So is it really my fault that k dramas just happened to be so good? Well, no. However I should have at least written a little more everyday. Or anything at all really.

2. Existential crisis. Not entirely existiential. More like, professional crisis? I don't know. I just came to the conclusion that if I had so many doubts about actually becoming a writer, maybe I shouldn't pursue that as my life career. If it's something I'm going to be doing professionally and for the rest of my life, it should be something I don't go, "Hmm, but do I?" when I think about it.

I mean, I see so many people so passionate about what they're doing in life and I want to be one of those that are happy because they decided to follow their dreams and didn't just choose whatever was there in front of them. The problem is I don't know what exactly it is yet. And let me tell you I've had a taste of a few things already.

Anyways, back to the writing. Since I've doubted whether I really want to become a writer, then I didn't feel as obligated as to writing as I did in the April session. Which made it worse because at least then I only had a word goal of 30k unlike this session where I was really ambitious due to my summer vacations starting and set it at 50k. Little did I know then how downhill it would go.

So now, it is currently the last day and I've written 11k. I have to write another 39k for me to win. Can I do it?
I am crazy enough to believe I can.
Will I do it?
That's exactly the right question.

- Vanessa

PS
I'll post an update eventually. I'm such a procrastinator it should be illegal.

Why it's real.

My little brother asks me a lot about Spider Man. As we live in Mexico and he knows Spider Man lives in the US, he asked me to take pictures of him shooting a web when I move back. He's 5 years old so I debated quickly on whether to explain to him the fact that Peter Parker was fiction or not, to which I decided to in fact do so. I tried to explain it though, without making fiction and not-real synonyms if you know what I mean.

I get emotionally attached to characters all the time, every time, from a book, a show, a movie, even a commercial. And though I sometimes question whether it has to do with some psychological affair I should check out with a shrink, I have ultimately always decided on accepting it and embracing it even. Now, I have finally been able to put into words how I take in those situations, where I cry with them and laugh with them, and throw tantrums even though I appear to be insane.

They may be a part of a story, of a script, just fiction. But that's the thing, isn't it. Fiction isn't just.

Because although names are different, faces, places, families, lies, promises... it still is something that happens, that happened somewhere in the world. Somewhere there are men who jump in front of the women they love every time someone wants to hurt her, somewhere there are people making their friend smile and laugh and helping them overcome whatever they need so they can be happy, somewhere there is someone teaching humility, or love or friendship or forgiveness or loyalty and there's someone learning.

So how can I not get attached? How can I not smile like an absolute fool or cry like a baby when I see these things happen in front of my eyes? How, when there are people in this world really crying, losing, laughing, loving, winning, yelling, learning and living... how can I just act as if it were fiction when it is just so so obvious that it's real?

- Vanessa

The Worst Fangirl Stage

I have joined the EXO fandom... which should explain my absence for so long. And I am currently at that worst stage of it, you know, where you're completely smitten and it's all that you can think about and they're all you want to watch and listen to and study about... I'm at precisely that stage where I've fallen in love and my heart rejoices and weeps simultaneously when I see them because how could it not think it's beating for them and so jump excitedly when it catches a glimpse of them, how can I not want to curl into myself and damn the world at the top of my lungs if it's standing in the middle of us, a barrier that I am useless against...

I am at that stage where I just can't. Where I wish they knew me because I hate to be not even another face in the crowd, just another stranger who they acknowledge as fan but not as a specific individual with so much to offer; and I'm at that stage where I wish they didn't know me because even if they did it would change nothing, not when their schedules are so busy and they have better options lining up and I CAN'T EVEN SPEAK KOREAN

It's astounding how I can feel like pouring my heart into a kettle and hearing it scream because it's hot when in reality I am just sitting in front of a laptop, face almost bored looking and fingers just dancing along the keyboards...

- Vanessa

PS
I'm trying to learn Korean

Being a fangirl, I love.


Being a fangirl isn’t the healthiest lifestyle. Your sleeping patterns are an absolute mess, your eating schedule is probably equally bad, I sometimes eat too much and sometimes too little. My mind is usually in far off places, whether they be far geographically speaking like in a galaxy far far away, or a long way into the timeline of humanity, like the rise of a new generation having to deal with poverty and oppression. You’d think I’d stop. Ha.

I love being a fangirl. I love it so much I literally can’t even.

I love loving things so much that they bring me to tears instantly, that they can call up a smile to my lips with a snap of the fingers, that they can make me forget everything – problems, troubles, sadness, sleepiness – with a single face, with a single word, with a single picture.

You have no idea how much I can love something that doesn’t exist, and you have no idea how much I love that and love that I love that. Something, someone that I can’t go visit nor can even know of my existence, or maybe someone that can in fact, by some miracle realize I exist. I think it’s amazing to love so unconditionally, because loving is what humans do best you know, and I think it’s amazing, I think it’s magical.

I love being a fangirl, I really really do. And I can repeat this phrase as often as I am asked, “what are you even talking about?” and never tire. Because I’m a fangirl and I dedicate my time, energy and love to boy bands and their music that has me dancing like a clown in the middle of my room, to fictional stories and people that have me apparently laughing, crying, yelling at nothing and for no reason in front of my classmates, to things that you may think are not important, nonexistent if you wish, that should not be a priority but, in their and my own defense I just ask you this: what is the purpose of life, if not to find what you love and then love it more than humanly possible?
A wizard, a jedi, a vampire, a runner, a rebel, a boy band, a dork or two, a song, a show, a story, a world… a whole world.


I love them tremendously and I laugh with them hysterically, I cry for them miserably and I yell at them indignantly … and, and they can’t hear me. They can’t see me. They don’t know me. But I can. I do. And I love it. It’s my favorite thing in the world.

- Vanessa

Fandoms 101 with Vanessa

It's like school but about shit you actually care about it.



- Vanessa

Queen of Shadows

Listen, I am so freaking tired after every single one of these books, just like with TMI. I don't think I'll reread it soon. But I want to. I really really want to.

Aelin gets her squad together, they set fire to the rain (not literally), and here is what I thought about that.

Me Before You

I began to read this as a sort of collab with a YouTube friend. We agreed we would both read it and ask each other questions about it and make a video responding to them.

I read the Goodreads description and was like, "Eh, okay, it'll probably be a nice, light read" which is exactly what I needed after rereading Eleanor & Park and Ignite Me for like the hundredth time.

I wasn't entirely wrong.


Mockingjay Part 2 Movie Review

Freakin' awesome movie poster with a
mockingjay and the mockingjay
So tell me, this was ages ago wasn't it? I did in fact post this ages ago too, you know, for the record. I did so on Wordpress though as Blogger and had a fight. (It was my fault I admit.)

Anyways, thought I should share it here for many reasons. Like:

1. I'm too lazy.


Rant: Reading

Do not read as children do, to amuse yourself, or like the ambitious for the purpose of instruction. No, read in order to live.

Rant: Fangirls

Now I am kinda sorry for being so blunt and perhaps not very classy. But. When my opinions are strong, and in defense, I don't usually care for pleasantries.

I have a few thoughts going on about fangirls and the way society has perceived them, and where else to show them if not here.

Reading VS Writing

As you guys know, I not only read but have also been having my go at writing. Thinking about those two things, I though about some of the differences and some of the similarities and then, I thought it'd be a good idea to make a video out of it. Here it is. Quite proud of how it turned out actually.

Rereading

I, personally, love rereading books.

The human is an ever-changing organism and you are never the same person twice. So every time I read a new book, though it is exactly the same - everything is completely different.

(This is what you get after three 50 min. long classes of Philosophy.)


Heir of Fire

So tell me, how the hell am I supposed to finish this?

I am so tired, I am only a human girl, I don't think I'll be able to tolerate anything more. I just can't.

I will not read the next one. At least not until my heart has been tranquilized again, it deserves a break.

Warning: I am quite explicit so beware if you're not too fond of cuss words and also, I am giving out a few spoilers so read at your own risk.

Carry On

Beautiful Book Cover
I don't care about anything, I think, except Rainbow Rowell's writing. This of course is not completely true but let's believe it is for a second for the sake of exaggeration.

If you've read Fangirl, you must know these two dudes named Simon and Baz who are rumored (or actually were) gay for each other in what was the equal to HP in Cath's world. Even if you haven't heard about them, it's Rainbow Rowell!

The second it came out I read and absolutely adored it of course, and recently as my sister was kind enough to send it to me in physical form, I reread it.

Here's more about that.


LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION. Literally.

Will literally be going live on YouNow right now so go ahead and join me if you'd like. c:

https://www.younow.com/VanessaZarco

Now gone. Forget about that. I was too bored for my own good.

The Courtship Tag

I'm on YouTube, if you didn't know. And I enjoy making friends there, if you too are there please let me know. It'd be great to get to interact with you.

The last video I posted was the Courtship Tag but I have a few others, like the Guess That Book Character Challenge with my sisters, or my March Wrap Up and April TBR. So please do check it out, if you can or interested.

Thank you anyway, hope none of your favorite characters die! (That's my outro - too perfect, I know.)



- The Bookdragon

Crown of Midnight


So tell me, have you ever been emotionally tired when or while reading a book? I have, with The Mortal Instruments mostly. Although here, we get another name added to the list.

I started the second book eagerly, I had grown too fond over the characters to not do so. And yet, though I did read it quite quickly, it felt more like I was crawling through it trying to find my way out.

Let me tell you more about this.


Live shows - hear me out.

It is currently the tenth of April, 2:50 AM. Hi. I am in fact usually awake at this hour. What I would like to say now though is to talk to you guys about a live show.

You must know how people do it all the time, on YouTube and on this thing (I relatively recently discovered) called YouNow (I know, I know shame on me). And I was like, "I wanna do that." To be fair, I always say that. So I was looking around and searching to see if perhaps there were any accounts already dedicated to talking about books and fandoms and no such thing appeared. How offensive right? So those were my first two points: 1. I want to do a live show. and 2. No one does live shows on topics I am interested.

Because yes, YouTube videos and blog posts are incredible and have their own perks (like being able to think and correct before sharing it with the interwebs) but live shows have their own randomness that I find really attractive. Which bring up my third point: 3. I could do a live show.

And yet, I think it would be remarkably awkward and pathetic to do a live show for you know, just me, and perhaps the ocassional person that is clicking around out of curiosity but will leave after five seconds. With this I rise to you my fourth point: 4. I need an audience. I am fresh out of audiences.

So, I though I could write this to remember the days where I was, for the most part, ignored. And to rant a little if I'm honest. Maybe someday I will be able to do weekly live shows like Dan and Phil do and it will be fun, random and perhaps a little awkward for me but overall awesome I'm sure. Until then, I leave you with my links. #ShamelessSelfPromotion And with the best wishes that you too find someone to listen to you. I'm here. Though I make no promises. Just playing, just playing.

YouNow

- the rest are probably somewhere down from here or, somewhere in general?


- The Bookdragon

Throne of Glass

So tell me, you've heard about this one too right? I did. A lot. Which of course explains why I didn't read until now. Yet the obvious love readers had for the main character here caught my attention along with the fact that she is an assasin, yay, so this past Sunday while at work - I read it all.

Let me tell you more about this.

Six of Crows

Six of Crows Book Cover
(with pages black on the side, what?)
So tell me, surely you too had heard about this one so much you thought odds are it was going to be another one of those overhyped YA books? Or was that just me?

And yet, I read it. I'm not entirely sure why but I am sure I don't regret it. Let me tell you more about that.

Unleashed

Unleashed Book Cover

So tell me, remember a million years ago when I read Uninvited and did my review here? Me neither, because it did not happen. I mean I did read it, just not reviewed it. It was during those times where I had graduated in procrastination and did nothing expect read a little.

Anyways, I eventually decided to finish reading this duology by Sophie Jordan and here, I present to you my thoughts on the second and last book - Unleashed.


Hello... can you hear me?

Hello from the other siiiide... of the screen.

It's been quite a while since I was here and that's because I couldn't download Blogger onto my phone, some of us don't have our wallets ready for when the newest iPhone comes out. So my poor partner in crime can't hold the new updated version of it. Now I've other ways to access Blogger so, ta-da! I'm back.

I will admit making BookTube videos is slightly easier if not more entertaining, but writing reviews is a good exercise for my writing too. So, I will continue to write them. Might as well add, now that I'm being honest, that it can get a little tedious writing on my phone or anything that isn't a computer with a good keyboard, but I will have no choice. There a quite a few changes coming up in my life so I will have to adjust to all of them. I may  make a post about that, just to vent really.

My point? I didn't really have one. Nothing has changed much as you can see.

Anways, thanks for reading this, and for those who have returned special kudos to you.


- The Bookdragon