Boys Over Flowers (Drama)
Hello again!
What's up losers? Apologies for my absence, I have been far away for too long. At first it was because I was reading literally nothing excepts subtitles (hours and hours), but then it was because something happened to the computer I use that the keyboard didn't work anymore, some keys only, and since I share with my mother (because I'm cool like that) then she immediately sent it to be fixed. However living in MX, we have to buy the keyboard in the U.S. which as you can imagine entails it's own problems, point is - I have the computer back but with not a fully percent working keyboard.
Anyways, it is still good enough that I will be posting reviews again and self-promo so look forward to that. Thank you for checking in and I will see you, well more like talk to you (it's such a one-sided conversation btw) when I post something soon. Including a knew genre of a sort.
안녕 (that means bye in korean)
Anyways, it is still good enough that I will be posting reviews again and self-promo so look forward to that. Thank you for checking in and I will see you, well more like talk to you (it's such a one-sided conversation btw) when I post something soon. Including a knew genre of a sort.
- V
Don't Cry and Craft With Me
On not better but other news, I made song for the losers not going to TATINOF... like myself.
- Vanessa
- Vanessa
The Cards God Dealt Me
This has nothing to do with fandoms nor writing. This has to do with life.
I am being faced upon two choices these days and I could go ahead and say I have to choose in between what's right, and what's easy. The truth is however, I have no way to know if just because it's harder, it means it's the right way to go. True, troubles can build you up but they can also drag you down. Is it simpler then, to not risk too much and just take what happens to be the easier choice? Or does that mean that I'm a coward or, perhaps that's too strong a word, but still too much of a scared-y cat to jump out from my mother's protective shield and go one on one with life myself?
Because that's exactly what would happen, if I choose to move back to the USA from Mexico. I'm going to be entering the ring, leaving my mother and my family not even in the same arena, and practically setting myself up for a beat down. But. Even if they aren't in the same building I know they would be cheering me on. And even if I do get knocked out, I know the choice to get back up again is still my own. And I know, that no matter how bruised up I am, how many broken bones I have, it doesn't matter if I can't see or if I can't hear because why would I need such mundane things when I have God right above me, making sure not that I'm not harmed, but that I'm not harmed life-threateningly.
I am scared. I know I'm going to break a few bones, tear a few muscles and get a lot of bruises. I know I'm going to have to drag myself at some point, and cling to ropes for support just to get back to my knees at the very least. I know that I'm going to cry and bleed, and feel lonely. But I feel like I can't stay, I know it'd be easier because I would still be able to have my mother's protective eye over me and she could come into the ring and give me a breather if I needed to but. She's tired. She's already fractured some bones of her own, and has shed tears and blood so maybe it's time I allow her some rest and face life on my own? Despite the sure pain to come.
I'm not choosing to go, just because it's the more difficult option. I am also choosing to go, because to stay feels wrong and cowardly. And I am not a coward. And I am strong enough to get back up after every round. And I am a story of great troubles and victories and tears and cries of joy and success. So... so. It seems the cards God has dealt me aren't meant for a quick and easy win. But that's okay, because this only means that they're leading up to something even greater.
It's after a few loses that a win means anything. I'm ready to lose. Because when I win... honey you should see me in a crown.
- Vanessa
I am being faced upon two choices these days and I could go ahead and say I have to choose in between what's right, and what's easy. The truth is however, I have no way to know if just because it's harder, it means it's the right way to go. True, troubles can build you up but they can also drag you down. Is it simpler then, to not risk too much and just take what happens to be the easier choice? Or does that mean that I'm a coward or, perhaps that's too strong a word, but still too much of a scared-y cat to jump out from my mother's protective shield and go one on one with life myself?
Because that's exactly what would happen, if I choose to move back to the USA from Mexico. I'm going to be entering the ring, leaving my mother and my family not even in the same arena, and practically setting myself up for a beat down. But. Even if they aren't in the same building I know they would be cheering me on. And even if I do get knocked out, I know the choice to get back up again is still my own. And I know, that no matter how bruised up I am, how many broken bones I have, it doesn't matter if I can't see or if I can't hear because why would I need such mundane things when I have God right above me, making sure not that I'm not harmed, but that I'm not harmed life-threateningly.
I am scared. I know I'm going to break a few bones, tear a few muscles and get a lot of bruises. I know I'm going to have to drag myself at some point, and cling to ropes for support just to get back to my knees at the very least. I know that I'm going to cry and bleed, and feel lonely. But I feel like I can't stay, I know it'd be easier because I would still be able to have my mother's protective eye over me and she could come into the ring and give me a breather if I needed to but. She's tired. She's already fractured some bones of her own, and has shed tears and blood so maybe it's time I allow her some rest and face life on my own? Despite the sure pain to come.
I'm not choosing to go, just because it's the more difficult option. I am also choosing to go, because to stay feels wrong and cowardly. And I am not a coward. And I am strong enough to get back up after every round. And I am a story of great troubles and victories and tears and cries of joy and success. So... so. It seems the cards God has dealt me aren't meant for a quick and easy win. But that's okay, because this only means that they're leading up to something even greater.
It's after a few loses that a win means anything. I'm ready to lose. Because when I win... honey you should see me in a crown.
- Vanessa
Camp NaNoWriMo July 2016 Part 2
Okay. Here's the update.
Last word count goal ended up being 20k. I wrote half of that on the last day, literally the 31st. I didn't want to fall completely short so I wrote as much as I could within like 18 hours or so. Sure it completely destroyed my sleeping schedule but let's be honest here, it wasn't something to maintain anyways. So, I lost NaNoWriMo again, 2nd time in a row but I don't feel too bad about it. As I said, I don't know if I want to be a writer anymore, although those last 10k words have me thinking I'll keep it as a hobby, so I don't feel as pressured as I used to to actually get good at it. Thus, making me not feel the responsibility to write more, and of course NaNoWriMo was an excellent motivation tool to do so.
So. Both of my active cabin mates won. I don't know if I'll be joining in November as I don't know what my emotional, psychological and professional state will be. My world will shift under my feet as I move back to my country (eventually), and maybe I will find that writing is the only I want to do. I do love stories. And I do love words. But perhaps, I was just meant to be a voice in the stands cheering everyone else on rather than on the field trying desperately to score a goal, or touchdown, or 10 points for Gryffindor. I'm a Gryffindor but I kept thinking I was a Slytherin. The Hat knows best though.
- Vanessa
Last word count goal ended up being 20k. I wrote half of that on the last day, literally the 31st. I didn't want to fall completely short so I wrote as much as I could within like 18 hours or so. Sure it completely destroyed my sleeping schedule but let's be honest here, it wasn't something to maintain anyways. So, I lost NaNoWriMo again, 2nd time in a row but I don't feel too bad about it. As I said, I don't know if I want to be a writer anymore, although those last 10k words have me thinking I'll keep it as a hobby, so I don't feel as pressured as I used to to actually get good at it. Thus, making me not feel the responsibility to write more, and of course NaNoWriMo was an excellent motivation tool to do so.
So. Both of my active cabin mates won. I don't know if I'll be joining in November as I don't know what my emotional, psychological and professional state will be. My world will shift under my feet as I move back to my country (eventually), and maybe I will find that writing is the only I want to do. I do love stories. And I do love words. But perhaps, I was just meant to be a voice in the stands cheering everyone else on rather than on the field trying desperately to score a goal, or touchdown, or 10 points for Gryffindor. I'm a Gryffindor but I kept thinking I was a Slytherin. The Hat knows best though.
- Vanessa
Camp NaNoWriMo July 2016 Part 1
This month was a wreck. Due to two reasons. One more than the other.
1. K dramas. I began my obsession with k dramas in the month of July and thus, did absolutely nothing else. Are you proud of yourself Vanessa? On the positive side, I got very familiar with Korean and am now very determined to learn. Also, I found the love of my life. Okay, the (maybe, I'm not sure at this point anymore) 10th love of my life so far this year, still. We all know how obsessive I can be, that is the base factor of a fangirl after all. So is it really my fault that k dramas just happened to be so good? Well, no. However I should have at least written a little more everyday. Or anything at all really.
2. Existential crisis. Not entirely existiential. More like, professional crisis? I don't know. I just came to the conclusion that if I had so many doubts about actually becoming a writer, maybe I shouldn't pursue that as my life career. If it's something I'm going to be doing professionally and for the rest of my life, it should be something I don't go, "Hmm, but do I?" when I think about it.
I mean, I see so many people so passionate about what they're doing in life and I want to be one of those that are happy because they decided to follow their dreams and didn't just choose whatever was there in front of them. The problem is I don't know what exactly it is yet. And let me tell you I've had a taste of a few things already.
Anyways, back to the writing. Since I've doubted whether I really want to become a writer, then I didn't feel as obligated as to writing as I did in the April session. Which made it worse because at least then I only had a word goal of 30k unlike this session where I was really ambitious due to my summer vacations starting and set it at 50k. Little did I know then how downhill it would go.
So now, it is currently the last day and I've written 11k. I have to write another 39k for me to win. Can I do it?
I am crazy enough to believe I can.
Will I do it?
That's exactly the right question.
- Vanessa
PS
I'll post an update eventually. I'm such a procrastinator it should be illegal.
1. K dramas. I began my obsession with k dramas in the month of July and thus, did absolutely nothing else. Are you proud of yourself Vanessa? On the positive side, I got very familiar with Korean and am now very determined to learn. Also, I found the love of my life. Okay, the (maybe, I'm not sure at this point anymore) 10th love of my life so far this year, still. We all know how obsessive I can be, that is the base factor of a fangirl after all. So is it really my fault that k dramas just happened to be so good? Well, no. However I should have at least written a little more everyday. Or anything at all really.
2. Existential crisis. Not entirely existiential. More like, professional crisis? I don't know. I just came to the conclusion that if I had so many doubts about actually becoming a writer, maybe I shouldn't pursue that as my life career. If it's something I'm going to be doing professionally and for the rest of my life, it should be something I don't go, "Hmm, but do I?" when I think about it.
I mean, I see so many people so passionate about what they're doing in life and I want to be one of those that are happy because they decided to follow their dreams and didn't just choose whatever was there in front of them. The problem is I don't know what exactly it is yet. And let me tell you I've had a taste of a few things already.
Anyways, back to the writing. Since I've doubted whether I really want to become a writer, then I didn't feel as obligated as to writing as I did in the April session. Which made it worse because at least then I only had a word goal of 30k unlike this session where I was really ambitious due to my summer vacations starting and set it at 50k. Little did I know then how downhill it would go.
So now, it is currently the last day and I've written 11k. I have to write another 39k for me to win. Can I do it?
I am crazy enough to believe I can.
Will I do it?
That's exactly the right question.
- Vanessa
PS
I'll post an update eventually. I'm such a procrastinator it should be illegal.
Why it's real.
My little brother asks me a lot about Spider Man. As we live in Mexico and he knows Spider Man lives in the US, he asked me to take pictures of him shooting a web when I move back. He's 5 years old so I debated quickly on whether to explain to him the fact that Peter Parker was fiction or not, to which I decided to in fact do so. I tried to explain it though, without making fiction and not-real synonyms if you know what I mean.
I get emotionally attached to characters all the time, every time, from a book, a show, a movie, even a commercial. And though I sometimes question whether it has to do with some psychological affair I should check out with a shrink, I have ultimately always decided on accepting it and embracing it even. Now, I have finally been able to put into words how I take in those situations, where I cry with them and laugh with them, and throw tantrums even though I appear to be insane.
They may be a part of a story, of a script, just fiction. But that's the thing, isn't it. Fiction isn't just.
Because although names are different, faces, places, families, lies, promises... it still is something that happens, that happened somewhere in the world. Somewhere there are men who jump in front of the women they love every time someone wants to hurt her, somewhere there are people making their friend smile and laugh and helping them overcome whatever they need so they can be happy, somewhere there is someone teaching humility, or love or friendship or forgiveness or loyalty and there's someone learning.
So how can I not get attached? How can I not smile like an absolute fool or cry like a baby when I see these things happen in front of my eyes? How, when there are people in this world really crying, losing, laughing, loving, winning, yelling, learning and living... how can I just act as if it were fiction when it is just so so obvious that it's real?
- Vanessa
I get emotionally attached to characters all the time, every time, from a book, a show, a movie, even a commercial. And though I sometimes question whether it has to do with some psychological affair I should check out with a shrink, I have ultimately always decided on accepting it and embracing it even. Now, I have finally been able to put into words how I take in those situations, where I cry with them and laugh with them, and throw tantrums even though I appear to be insane.
They may be a part of a story, of a script, just fiction. But that's the thing, isn't it. Fiction isn't just.
Because although names are different, faces, places, families, lies, promises... it still is something that happens, that happened somewhere in the world. Somewhere there are men who jump in front of the women they love every time someone wants to hurt her, somewhere there are people making their friend smile and laugh and helping them overcome whatever they need so they can be happy, somewhere there is someone teaching humility, or love or friendship or forgiveness or loyalty and there's someone learning.
So how can I not get attached? How can I not smile like an absolute fool or cry like a baby when I see these things happen in front of my eyes? How, when there are people in this world really crying, losing, laughing, loving, winning, yelling, learning and living... how can I just act as if it were fiction when it is just so so obvious that it's real?
- Vanessa
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