Why it's real.

My little brother asks me a lot about Spider Man. As we live in Mexico and he knows Spider Man lives in the US, he asked me to take pictures of him shooting a web when I move back. He's 5 years old so I debated quickly on whether to explain to him the fact that Peter Parker was fiction or not, to which I decided to in fact do so. I tried to explain it though, without making fiction and not-real synonyms if you know what I mean.

I get emotionally attached to characters all the time, every time, from a book, a show, a movie, even a commercial. And though I sometimes question whether it has to do with some psychological affair I should check out with a shrink, I have ultimately always decided on accepting it and embracing it even. Now, I have finally been able to put into words how I take in those situations, where I cry with them and laugh with them, and throw tantrums even though I appear to be insane.

They may be a part of a story, of a script, just fiction. But that's the thing, isn't it. Fiction isn't just.

Because although names are different, faces, places, families, lies, promises... it still is something that happens, that happened somewhere in the world. Somewhere there are men who jump in front of the women they love every time someone wants to hurt her, somewhere there are people making their friend smile and laugh and helping them overcome whatever they need so they can be happy, somewhere there is someone teaching humility, or love or friendship or forgiveness or loyalty and there's someone learning.

So how can I not get attached? How can I not smile like an absolute fool or cry like a baby when I see these things happen in front of my eyes? How, when there are people in this world really crying, losing, laughing, loving, winning, yelling, learning and living... how can I just act as if it were fiction when it is just so so obvious that it's real?

- Vanessa

The Worst Fangirl Stage

I have joined the EXO fandom... which should explain my absence for so long. And I am currently at that worst stage of it, you know, where you're completely smitten and it's all that you can think about and they're all you want to watch and listen to and study about... I'm at precisely that stage where I've fallen in love and my heart rejoices and weeps simultaneously when I see them because how could it not think it's beating for them and so jump excitedly when it catches a glimpse of them, how can I not want to curl into myself and damn the world at the top of my lungs if it's standing in the middle of us, a barrier that I am useless against...

I am at that stage where I just can't. Where I wish they knew me because I hate to be not even another face in the crowd, just another stranger who they acknowledge as fan but not as a specific individual with so much to offer; and I'm at that stage where I wish they didn't know me because even if they did it would change nothing, not when their schedules are so busy and they have better options lining up and I CAN'T EVEN SPEAK KOREAN

It's astounding how I can feel like pouring my heart into a kettle and hearing it scream because it's hot when in reality I am just sitting in front of a laptop, face almost bored looking and fingers just dancing along the keyboards...

- Vanessa

PS
I'm trying to learn Korean

Live shows - hear me out.

It is currently the tenth of April, 2:50 AM. Hi. I am in fact usually awake at this hour. What I would like to say now though is to talk to you guys about a live show.

You must know how people do it all the time, on YouTube and on this thing (I relatively recently discovered) called YouNow (I know, I know shame on me). And I was like, "I wanna do that." To be fair, I always say that. So I was looking around and searching to see if perhaps there were any accounts already dedicated to talking about books and fandoms and no such thing appeared. How offensive right? So those were my first two points: 1. I want to do a live show. and 2. No one does live shows on topics I am interested.

Because yes, YouTube videos and blog posts are incredible and have their own perks (like being able to think and correct before sharing it with the interwebs) but live shows have their own randomness that I find really attractive. Which bring up my third point: 3. I could do a live show.

And yet, I think it would be remarkably awkward and pathetic to do a live show for you know, just me, and perhaps the ocassional person that is clicking around out of curiosity but will leave after five seconds. With this I rise to you my fourth point: 4. I need an audience. I am fresh out of audiences.

So, I though I could write this to remember the days where I was, for the most part, ignored. And to rant a little if I'm honest. Maybe someday I will be able to do weekly live shows like Dan and Phil do and it will be fun, random and perhaps a little awkward for me but overall awesome I'm sure. Until then, I leave you with my links. #ShamelessSelfPromotion And with the best wishes that you too find someone to listen to you. I'm here. Though I make no promises. Just playing, just playing.

YouNow

- the rest are probably somewhere down from here or, somewhere in general?

- The Bookdragon